~~~~
Dear _______,
i can't take it anymore.
when you walk into a room,
no wait, you practically waltz in -
the grace, the beauty, the smoothness
you aren't smiling, but it seems like a faint nonchalant grin is on your face
a grin that acknowledges that you know how attractive you are
a grin so subtle, yet telling everything -
yes, when you walk like that into the room
my head turns, my eyes fixate on you
i want to look away
i have to look away, i don't wanna be caught staring (at you)
but my brain doesn't cooperate
the left side keeps me riveted
like a compass reacting to a magnet
so i turn and look at you
and am unable to turn the other way
you cross the room,
you close the distance between us
you look even better, closer.
i finally snap out of your spell
but even when i look elsewhere
my heart keeps my peripherals on you
such that even when i'm not looking at you
i am looking at you
i almost forget to breathe
what can i do?
you take my breath away
when you turn to glance in my direction
i suck a quick breath in to calm myself down
and i hold it to steady my nerves
but my arms still tremble
my legs still jiggle
and i forget to breathe
when you're even closer
when i can hear your voice
no, it's not possible
no voice is as melodic as that.
no voice sounds like chimes in the wind
floating gently over the air
tinkling amidst the noise
maybe there isn't noise
but everything else sounds like noise
when made to compare against the sound of your voice.
no wait, the ;musical tone; of your voice
'sound' doesn't quite cut it.
i pretend i'm not listening
i pretend i'm not getting distracted
when you let out a peal of laughter
a warm tingle pass through my body
rippling through my nerves, my muscles, my fingers, my toes.
the task at hand is all but forgotten
your mindless chatter
imprints deeper in my head
than a chisel does on a stone
when you speak to me
oh, i can't respond
i try to
i open my mouth
not a squeak comes out
(though im glad not a 'squeak' comes out, that'll be embarrassing)
my heart is caught in my throat
i forget to breathe again.
if i was capable of blushing,
my face would be bright red by now
brighter than bright red
maybe a crimson flush
hence i hide my face, even though i probably look perfectly fine
i pretend not to hear you
they say ignorance is bliss didn't they?
you won't leave me alone!
'hey alan!' you go.
i can't pretend i didn't hear that
probably half the room heard it
or maybe it's just my imagination playing tricks on me
since i hear your voice much more clearly than all others
but how do i respond when i am tongue tied?
how do i speak when my tongue is twisted and knotted up like a sailor to his rope?
how do i articulate when my lips are frozen in all my nervousness?
you touch me gently
probably to emphasize your greeting
it wasn't in anyway provocative
you just tapped me on the shoulder
but it was like a hot knife slicing through butter
like a boulder crashing into a still river surface
SPLASH
i trembled in sheer exhilaration
the butterflies in my stomach have became snakes
snakes writhing around in my stomach
i turn to face you
your black eyes look into mine
it's like you were trying to hypnotize me
with the simplest of looks
mesmerized, i was.
i didn't want to blink
to miss a moment of this
a smile creeps across your face
happy? contented? amused?
i can't read it!
i can't think of anything much when you look at me like that
you make me flustered
you make my mind swirl
when i finally catch a hold of myself
i stop whirling around and the room stops spinning around me
no, i probably wasn't moving at all, but it seemed like it
seemed like i was twisting , soaring, rocketting around
on a high speed rollercoaster
more like a meteorite, shooting through the night sky
everything finally steadied, and i forced another breath in
we started to speak
though i have no idea what i was saying
i was just watching your full lips move
open and close
glistening under the dim room light
oh! what i would give to plant mine on yours
to press my lips gently, but surely
the taste of honey
pure honey, harvested from the comb
would pale in comparison to what i'll taste
when (if) we kiss
sensual seduction
it's not just the visual
your smell
your fragrance
floats gently off your body
my sensitive nose picks it up without fail
aroma theraphy
they must have derived it from a whiff of you
i could just lean in close
take a long deep breath
and die happy
what is that pounding noise?
that irregular, yet definite beat
it comes from within me
my heart is bursting to come out of my chest
it has probably swelled
and is probably doubly pumping
the moment you stepped into the room
all the way till this moment
it has probably raced even faster, stronger
i beg you
you need to stop it
it isn't fair, being you
you make everything off balance with your sheer beauty, elegance.
everything about you calls for my attention
everything about you drives me crazy
i can't concentrate on anything else now
how do we appreciate water when we've tasted the sweetest wine?
how do we continue to eat scraps when we've eaten steaks?
how do we live in mediocrity, after a life of luxury?
you are like a drug
i can't live without you
you give me a high
the more i have of you
the more i want
come to me ________,
come to me now
forget yesterday; it's history, that's why it is the past
tomorrow has yet to come,it is still a mystery
but today is a gift, that's why it is the present.
come to me now.
love, alan
~~alan teo 2008 (C) ----
they say thirteen is unlucky
but i say it is the clue.
i aint being superstitious
neither should you.
